2012年過得超級超級快的，末日已過，正在邁向2013的同時來一個回顧。承上題去到高考後存活到大學，由單身到拍拖，etc.，要按很多下較舊的文章才看到上一次好像是七月在吃早餐時寫下的，raw到爆。
五 原來有大半年都在賺錢（和光速洗錢）
我忘記了有沒有記下自己外出工作，求其啦。高考完畢後打了人生的第一份工，當了三個月sales仔。體力勞動。其實客人大多都是peaceful的，一半同事都是nice的。見識了拍馬屁的人，沒有朋友的肥女上司，好情緒化的女上司，做事好謹慎要賺錢賺到盡的日本上司，很溫柔的便裝..很多是非，每個在職的人都想離開。當然摺好自己要摺的衣服就是了，對身邊的人和事沒太大興趣。很有記憶的是要連續上班六日，第五晚回到家中，老豆煮了我不想吃的菜，然後好想哭，接著哭了。回想其實工作壓力不大，其實是全職和兼職的分野很大，很明顯的針對，眉頭眼額令我很害怕。當然在u記認識到好正常的朋友，以為辭職了便不會聯絡或什麼，然後每次她們主動找我都有種莫名的內疚感....
目前為止做了兩份補習。父母對子女的影響很大，但他們好像都不知道自己的影響力，子女在不知不覺間形成了某種性格後父母卻加以斥責，像自己從來沒責任一樣。你可以要小朋友們去學國畫去奧數去教會去彈琴去什麼什麼，他們懂得很多技巧，但學不了專注。只有一科不好就要被迫見我，連我都覺得他們好可憐。能感受到家長對我的尊重，但許太多了的是一份信任。全然信任我無啦啦會播歌要補習妹寫歌詞，信任我收一百蚊一堂，信任我補足鐘（當然我係補足的）,信任我病到要ABSENT。
還有當了(好廢的)INTERN，很夠運的無啦啦有工番。很靜態的工作，不用多說話，雖然有時好無聊。人都是NICE的，尤其是總編和SENIOR，好鼓勵，不斷被執手尾（病句）。喜歡自由的上班時間。但同期的同事總是避得就避，YR2/3的人總喜歡把你當小妹妹地看待，YR1 DSE的好像總是牛牛豆豆的好無聊，同YR的都是一樣SOCIAL的SAY個HI罷了。
延伸的問題是教育程度和做事方式的微妙關係。我不敢說教育程度高的人就會有一份好工，就可以飛黃騰達，但教育起碼免於人做最無聊的事。舊同事總是想如何分小圈子，如何恐嚇新同事，換了工作環境就沒有遇上過這樣的事（也可能因為不熟悉別人）。
我還想寫一下
六 原來自己在城市居住
七 今年遇到了很多自大的人
.............till i wanna write
2012年12月28日 星期五
2012年12月9日 星期日
A's monologue from Crave
“And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your
and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you and want what you want and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.”
wanna burst to tear when i first hear it. this is how we react, when encountering love, bluntly, child-likely, senselessly, outrageously and at the same time learning to be more rationally.
“And I want to play hide-and-seek and give you my clothes and tell you I like your shoes and sit on the steps while you take a bath and massage your neck and kiss your feet and hold your hand and go for a meal and not mind when you eat my food and meet you at Rudy’s and talk about the day and type your letters and carry your boxes and laugh at your paranoia and give you tapes you don’t listen to and watch great films and watch terrible films and complain about the radio and take pictures of you when you’re sleeping and get up to fetch you coffee and bagels and Danish and go to Florent and drink coffee at midnight and have you steal my cigarettes and never be able to find a match and tell you about the the programme I saw the night before and take you to the eye hospital and not laugh at your jokes and want you in the morning but let you sleep for a while and kiss your back and stroke your skin and tell you how much I love your hair your eyes your lips your neck your breasts your arse your
and sit on the steps smoking till your neighbour comes home and sit on the steps smoking till you come home and worry when you’re late and be amazed when you’re early and give you sunflowers and go to your party and dance till I’m black and be sorry when I’m wrong and happy when you forgive me and look at your photos and wish I’d known you forever and hear your voice in my ear and feel your skin on my skin and get scared when you’re angry and your eye has gone red and the other eye blue and your hair to the left and your face oriental and tell you you’re gorgeous and hug you when you’re anxious and hold you when you hurt and want you when I smell you and offend you when I touch you and whimper when I’m next to you and whimper when I’m not and dribble on your breast and smother you in the night and get cold when you take the blanket and hot when you don’t and melt when you smile and dissolve when you laugh and not understand why you think I’m rejecting you when I’m not rejecting you and wonder how you could think I’d ever reject you and wonder who you are but accept you anyway and tell you about the tree angel enchanted forest boy who flew across the ocean because he loved you and write poems for you and wonder why you don’t believe me and have a feeling so deep I can’t find words for it and want to buy you a kitten I’d get jealous of because it would get more attention than me and keep you in bed when you have to go and cry like a baby when you finally do and get rid of the roaches and buy you presents you don’t want and take them away again and ask you to marry me and you say no again but keep on asking because though you think I don’t mean it I do always have from the first time I asked you and wander the city thinking it’s empty without you and want what you want and think I’m losing myself but know I’m safe with you and tell you the worst of me and try to give you the best of me because you don’t deserve any less and answer your questions when I’d rather not and tell you the truth when I really don’t want to and try to be honest because I know you prefer it and think it’s all over but hang on in for just ten more minutes before you throw me out of your life and forget who I am and try to get closer to you because it’s a beautiful learning to know you and well worth the effort and speak German to you badly and Hebrew to you worse and make love with you at three in the morning and somehow somehow somehow communicate some of the overwhelming undying overpowering unconditional all-encompassing heart-enriching mind-expanding on-going never-ending love I have for you.”
wanna burst to tear when i first hear it. this is how we react, when encountering love, bluntly, child-likely, senselessly, outrageously and at the same time learning to be more rationally.
2012年12月8日 星期六
2012年12月1日 星期六
在趕paper的時候總會分心，久遠的念頭又再次縈繞。
很怕要與沉重的電影或歌曲對侍，我怕得像隻狗般一直一直後退最後伏到地上低吼悲鳴。Closer的其中一句影評：
"Truth only matters to those who love you and those you love"
這是我們對在搭枱食客談話間沒有興趣的原因，因為兩者間不存在愛，因為事不關己，所以不在乎。
這是你介意當我不承認自己疲累的原因。
這是我介意你說快去睡了但原來去了玩電腦的原因。
這句話在縈繞在提醒因為愛才會愁上心頭。
It matters me if my slight matters do not matter you.
賣口乖：
還有最近聽朋友男女間追追逐逐的遊戲，興幸我們已經過了最煩人的那關，然後會快快樂樂地生活下去，YEAH~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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